The Quest For Boots

Here's the thing: I want a pair of boots.
Here's the other thing: I have short, fat calves.

Curse you, viking ancestry!!

I have searched far and wide for the perfect pair to fit my plump posts. I thought I had struck gold during last Christmas when I bought a pair from Ross. They were short and bunched so I didn't have to worry about them not fitting over my calves. But once I got them home and tried to wear them with different outfits, I realized that because they cut across my ankles, they made me look like I had cankles. So, in my closet they sit....unworn and drooping in the darkened corner.
Then, last week, I found a fabulous pair at Payless that weren't short and actually fit over my favles (fat calves). These are they:

Once again, when I got home and started trying them on with different outfits and standing in font of the mirror, something was just off. Discouraged and frustrated, I returned them to the store.....but made myself feel a little better by some cute lacy tights.

Tights, however, will not shod my feet with those wonderful, perfect boots that I just KNOW are out there, somewhere, calling my name!

Taking to the internet, I commenced in a vigorous quest to find out just what kind of boots were meant for my viking lady legs. My research showed that these are the attributes, or, as I like to call them, "attri-boots" (SO CLEVER) that I need to look for:
-Mid calf
-Some kind of heel, but not stiletto, which is fine because I do NOT want stilettos.
-Darker in color, complimented with dark tights so as to elongate the leg.

With this knowledge in hand, I began to scour the web for my precious boots. Website after website, I searched, never giving up....never surrendering. Just like Alan Rickman in "Galaxy Quest". Guess what....

BOOTS ARE EXPENSIVE. Holy cow. Holy boots made of cow. I cannot imagine ever spending that kind of buckage on a pair of shoes. Not only that, but wide-mid calve boots are clearly on the back burner because I found next to nothing. I looked at thousands of pairs of boots. THOUSANDS. When I close my eyes, I see them...marching on and on to a theme song fit for Mordor.

I haven't completely given up yet. Oh no, I want those boots far too badly. And mark my words, blog friends. I will find them. And when I do.....I will wear them. I will wear them so good.

I'm thinking that first, I will have to start a fund if I'm actually going to spend a fraction of what most boots cost. Secondly, this is going to have to be a motivator to get some weight off. Maybe I can sweat these viking genes out of myself. Until then, I will just have to pay homage to the ones that got away.

These boots were made for walkin', ya'll. Just not on me.


Noelle said...

ugh i just left a comment and it wouldn't let me. grrrr. google. ok. my SIL says she has the same problem and found some cute dark brown boots with buckle that fit her. at. TARGET. wouldn't that be awesome if your dream boots were at target? :) good luck!

Cherisseykins:) said...

Hey, it wouldn't let me comment, either! Anywho... "Never give up, never surrender" is actually Tim Allen's line, not Alan Rickman's. Alan's is "By Grabthar's hammer... by the Sons of Warvan... you shall be... avenged." But I LOVE that you love Alan Rickman!! And I love that you quoted Galaxy Quest! :D

Melissa said...

Funny, funny. I also feel your pain.