The Quest For Boots

Here's the thing: I want a pair of boots.
Here's the other thing: I have short, fat calves.

Curse you, viking ancestry!!


I have searched far and wide for the perfect pair to fit my plump posts. I thought I had struck gold during last Christmas when I bought a pair from Ross. They were short and bunched so I didn't have to worry about them not fitting over my calves. But once I got them home and tried to wear them with different outfits, I realized that because they cut across my ankles, they made me look like I had cankles. So, in my closet they sit....unworn and drooping in the darkened corner.
Then, last week, I found a fabulous pair at Payless that weren't short and actually fit over my favles (fat calves). These are they:



Once again, when I got home and started trying them on with different outfits and standing in font of the mirror, something was just off. Discouraged and frustrated, I returned them to the store.....but made myself feel a little better by some cute lacy tights.

Tights, however, will not shod my feet with those wonderful, perfect boots that I just KNOW are out there, somewhere, calling my name!

Taking to the internet, I commenced in a vigorous quest to find out just what kind of boots were meant for my viking lady legs. My research showed that these are the attributes, or, as I like to call them, "attri-boots" (SO CLEVER) that I need to look for:
-Mid calf
-Some kind of heel, but not stiletto, which is fine because I do NOT want stilettos.
-Darker in color, complimented with dark tights so as to elongate the leg.

With this knowledge in hand, I began to scour the web for my precious boots. Website after website, I searched, never giving up....never surrendering. Just like Alan Rickman in "Galaxy Quest". Guess what....

BOOTS ARE EXPENSIVE. Holy cow. Holy boots made of cow. I cannot imagine ever spending that kind of buckage on a pair of shoes. Not only that, but wide-mid calve boots are clearly on the back burner because I found next to nothing. I looked at thousands of pairs of boots. THOUSANDS. When I close my eyes, I see them...marching on and on to a theme song fit for Mordor.

I haven't completely given up yet. Oh no, I want those boots far too badly. And mark my words, blog friends. I will find them. And when I do.....I will wear them. I will wear them so good.

I'm thinking that first, I will have to start a fund if I'm actually going to spend a fraction of what most boots cost. Secondly, this is going to have to be a motivator to get some weight off. Maybe I can sweat these viking genes out of myself. Until then, I will just have to pay homage to the ones that got away.







These boots were made for walkin', ya'll. Just not on me.