Here I Am

....sitting in my dorm room, not having been here even an hour yet. My two suitcases are unpacked, everything just thrown in drawers because I'm to tired to care about organizing right now. My room is small. Obviously, it's a dorm. But I've never been in a dorm room, so please forgive me if I still seem a little surprised.
All the furniture, save my stiff mattress, is metal. Not just any metal though. Pale pink metal. Pig colored metal. All the hinges squeak when opened and it looks like they've been here since the 70's which I wouldn't put past being true.
My room smells faintly of the Hogle Zoo, but at least not like the animals droppings part. That is something to be grateful for. I have already seen one medium sized bug on my floor and it was a fast one. It was faster than my stomping foot. But you know what, I really don't care about the bugs just so long as they stay out of my bed. Honestly.
Somewhere in the distance, someone is singing very bad sounding Chinese karaoke. No joke. I think the same girl has been singing the same song since I first came into this room.
Oh look, a tiny bug on my bed. Just don't get in my sheets and don't get any bigger than that.
My back hurts from the plane ride. My mom gave me her extra large heating pad but it's already a pretty decent temperature here. Not hot but humid, and I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep comfortably with extra heat.
Woah, she is singing loud now.
Come to think of it, I don't know if there's a plug close enough to my bed to hook in my heating pad. I'll have to look into that.
I bought Melissa's flipcam so I could vlog while I'm here. But really, I don't feel like talking. I think I shut myself off when I get scared like that. I barely talked to my family this morning, I didn't talk on the plane, it took my shuttle not showing up to get me for me to call my mom. I knew I would start crying the second I heard her voice and I did but that was also partly because I thought I was facing the possibility of sleeping at the airport. I didn't really start talking until my shuttle finally (much to my undying relief) showed up. There had been an accident. Someone had drowned in the ocean and then a rubber necker ran into a wall while looking at the rescue effort and was killed. The road to Laie is one lay both ways and so it was pretty clogged up. I think my drivers name was Kao and he was super cool. He told me about the fireworks show I missed last night, asked me about my family, told me all about his quest to find the Cricket scrapbooking machine his wife wanted for Christmas. Apparently, the whole island sold out pretty fast. So he bought her The Silhouette which he claims was a better deal. He called me dude a lot and we talked about Clean House and Horders. I found out that he had just graduated from BYUH two weeks ago after taking a class a semester for about 20 years. He works on campus fixing the ACs so he get's his tuition for free. The shuttle business is his wife's Aunt's thing but he helps out. I asked him what the rules of the beach were and he told me to be cautious of sea creatures and different tides. He told me a family friend, close enough for him to call him uncle, died just last week when a tide took him out to far. He was a man of the sea. His wife had been sitting next to Kao two weeks ago, graduating.
It was sort of strange and sweet the way Kao talked about his uncle dying. He didn't sound sad but you could still hear emotion in his voice.
I told Kao that I came early to learn my way around campus and he a cheater because he loved to see all the lost faces on the first day of class. I didn't say anything but I'm pretty sure I will still be one of those lost faces anyways.
He drove me around campus a bit a pointed a few buildings out in the dark. When we got to my dorms I felt silly giving him a tip. Not because I thought he didn't deserve it but when you get personal with someone like that, even though that's what I'm told people are just like over here, it's seems strange to tip them for it. But he was gracious about it and told me to say hello if I see him on campus.
That girl is still singing.
Checking in, I saw a surprising lack of adults. In fact, Kao is the only adult I've seen so far. I sort of feel like I'm at girls camp with these pink screen doors and clothes lines hanging up. The girl who checked me in is from Africa and I found out that 4 months ago, she was living in Utah going to Salt Lake Community college. This is her first time in Hawaii.
So, back to my room. My roommates stuff is here, her bed is made, but I haven't see her. I'm thinking perhaps all of her stuff is just still here from last semester and she just hasn't gotten back yet which would be fantastic. I might be crying myself to sleep tonight.
I'm so far away. I know I am. I can't fathom it or picture the distance in my head but I know where I am and I know where I am not. I know where everyone I love is and that is across the ocean.


Lauren Rawlings said...

This made me sad. Good luck with everything! Maybe you'll be crying yourself to sleep the night you move back to Utah?

{ bRee } said...

Sounds like the shuttle was nice. Seems to put you at ease a bit. We sure miss you across the ocean but I know the time will fly and you will be sad to come home! Love you!