Midnight Thoughts

I just realized last night, whilst laying in bed, that I am almost 20 years old. Four months.....that's all. And then I'm 20. Not only will I be 20, but I will be 20 and have never kissed anyone or been on a real date or had a boyfriend or held anyones hand in a disgustingly cute way or cuddled with anyone or anything that two people who like each other do. 20 years of being unliked, unloved by someone other than my family, always a third wheel, always the only one without someone to be with. All my friends have had someone at one time or another. I have not. What's wrong with me? What makes me so undesirable. I mean, I know I'm a little pudgy, but am I really all that unattractive? I'm not drop dead gorgeous, by any means. But I don't think I'm ugly or anything. Not only that, but I know Ive come a long, long way confidence wise. And I was always told that confidence will make you more attractive or whatever, but I haven't seen any changes with that. I mean, if no one has wanted me in these 20 years, whose to say some one will want me at all? No, seriously. I don't think I'm going to get any better. I think I've pretty much reached my peak, if that makes sense. I don't really know what else to do. I wish I could just make myself stop getting my hopes up about a guy. I always do that and then he ends up going out with one of my friends. I've got to stop doing that. Well.....I really have nothing else to talk about.


Dear Lovey Heart said...

elise, i've been there and it sucks, i know that this won't make you feel better but you are a beautiful person inside and out and one of these days a hottie that plays the drums will come and sweep you off your feet.

now i am going to call you cause we haven't talked in a while i love you!

Melissa Mae Johnson said...

You are beautiful, in every single way, words can't bring you down...woa woa woaaooaaa...
I know, those are so me deep words, sung by a deep woman. I like to call her Aggs. We're close.
Anyways, any man would be lucky to have you with your awesome personality, cute laugh, energy, brains, large chest, beautiful face, etc. Be Patient. the time will come!